In a slump…

Some of you have probably noticed I’ve been rather quiet here lately. Some of you have (graciously!) asked about me at tournaments because I haven’t been as present as of late. Thank you for that. It means so much to me.

I’m in a slump.

I can’t find the Wonder Woman within me right now.

I wonder if she’ll ever come back. I’m afraid she won’t. 

Summer Nationals (known as the July Challenge to some) took more out of me than I had realized. 

I don’t know why. 

I’m being gentle with myself and being patient about training. This is hard because normally I’m a big go-getter. It’s hard to know what I need to do to train and yet feel NO desire whatsoever to do it.

I went to New Orleans this past weekend to qualify for Summer Nationals. As soon as I made the top four (and qualified) I didn’t care anymore and let victory slide through my fingers.

I settled for “good enough” and that bothers me.

It hurts to train. I don’t want to hurt. I like being able to navigate my staircase in the morning without having to worry that my legs will collapse and send me sliding to the bottom. 

A tiny part of me still has the spark but I can’t find the catalyst to start the blazing inferno of passion that training requires.

Any one else ever felt like this? What did you do? Did you overcome your slump? How?

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “In a slump…

  1. Hey Kate,
    First – I’m sad to hear that you’re in such a slump…..it can be particularly difficult when you are a high energy person and you find yourself battling with focus, energy, drive, passion…… I have several thoughts………

    First, are you physically healthy – meaning – make sure you don’t have an underlying diagnosis that could be causing you pain – thyroid issues, beginning of menopause, (don’t under estimate the power of your hormones – I started early, around 42, and every one scoffed at me, including my OBGYN, but now at 52 I am fully post-menopausal and thrilled to be done with it!!). Next, are you in good mental health – certainly there are always true issues of things like depression that can affect your function and shouldn’t be ignored. Now, assuming you are physically and mentally healthy, what else could be bothering you?

    Personally, I know you as a highly competitive person who owns/runs a club, trains, competes – in essence you live, eat and breath fencing……..not to mention you are a wife, a teacher, etc. Being Wonder Woman is a hard pair of shoes to fill….. perhaps you are just tired….. and that’s okay. Give yourself permission to take a break, rest and maybe even engage in something different for a short term so that you can remember what it is that drives your passion for fencing.

    I would like to share a personal story as well…… In 2002, my son started fencing. In 2004 I started fencing – in 2007 I won my first vet open NAC. In 2009, I missed 8 months of fencing due to the need to have elbow surgery. In 2011, I lost another year of fencing, I had low back surgery leaving me with a functional limp and numbness/atrophy of my left leg. I hated walking with a limp and not being able to fence became my obsession. Maybe it was because I couldn’t – maybe it was because it was taken away without my control…… but at that time I lost interest in most of the things that were important to me. I spent the summer of 2011 getting through each day with vicodan and vodka….. I realized I needed to find a focus, something I could put my energy, pain, frustration and anger into. My first year of training after that was horrible, I refused to compete, I was truly going to practice as a means to make myself leave my house and stay off the “pain meds”. I needed something to focus on – for me that is when fencing became not just a hobby or a passion but a life saver….. maybe you need to find the reason why fencing is/has been important to you……. maybe fencing isn’t the most important thing for you – it’s possible that you may have other dreams or aspirations that call to you……it’s okay to pursue them….. you said you were being kind to yourself – that is crucial – give yourself permission to step away….. Kate, you are a strong, dynamic, smart, & fabulous woman. I suspect you’ll be back, stronger than ever – in which ever passion calls to you.

    I send you love, prayer, energy and whatever else is needed to help you find your focus…. and I know you will.

    Love always,
    D

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Kate,
    I’m sorry to hear that you’ve lost your mojo, so to speak. I know that fencing is your passion, You know that I’m just down the road with the horses, so if you need a little equine therapy let me know, just being in a different environment and around these magnificent animals can really help some people refocus even if you’re not in the saddle.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s